LO3. Boost Self-Confidence and Develop Self-Regulation

Information Sheet 3.1: Four Components of Self-Regulation Based On Self-Regulation Theory (SRT)

Self-Regulation Theory

Description

What we want is not always good for us. Short-term desires and urges might suggest that we eat high fat food or punch people who annoy us, but clearly these have a longer-term cost.

Likewise, if a doctor suggests we should take regular walks or a teacher says we must study more, and we know this is good advice, then we need to have the self-discipline to implement such recommendations.

The question may even go to what we believe and think. Religions provide many guidelines as to proper thought and adherents try hard to think the right things, difficult as this can be.

Self-regulation theory (SRT) says that we expend effort in control of what we think, say and do, trying to be the person we want to be, both in particular situations and in the longer-term.

Much self-regulation is in stopping ourselves from doing things we know we should not do, for example preventing ourselves from impolitely telling other people that they are stupid. Self-regulation is also applied in creating positive behavior, such as studying for exams.

Self-regulation is typically needed when there is a conflict of motivations, for example to run away from a fire as opposed to helping to rescue victims of the fire.

Four components of self-regulation described by Baumeister et. al. (2007) are:

  • Standards: Of desirable behavior.
  • Motivation: To meet standards.
  • Monitoring: Of situations and thoughts that precede breaking standards.
  • Willpower: Internal strength to control urges.

We do not always succeed at this task, partly because we also have to attend to other things, like what the other person is saying and partly because the whole process of self-regulation is tiring.

Self-regulation includes impulse control, the management of short-term desires. People with low impulse control prone to acting on immediate desires. This is one route for such people to find their way to jail as many criminal acts occur in the heat of the moment. For non-violent people it can lead to losing friends through careless outbursts, or financial problems caused by making too many impulse purchases.

Example

When a person visits their partner’s family, the family tend to make snide criticisms. The person is constantly biting the tongue in order to avoid saying something back and causing a row.

Using it

Know what things in which you need to exercise important self-regulation and ensure these are always done. To gain compliance with others, get them doing things that require self-regulation. When they start to make mistakes in this, you can hold them up about it, or else slip in a persuasive suggestion.

Defending

Do not take on too much at once, particularly when it involves doing things with which you are uncomfortable or where you need to rein your natural self in.

Information Sheet 3.2: Personality Development Concepts

The Psychology of Personality Development

Personality development refers to the process of developing, enhancing, and changing one’s personality over time. Such development occurs naturally over the course of life, but it can also be modified through intentional efforts.

When we meet new people, it is often their personality that grabs our attention. According to the American Psychological Association, personality refers to the enduring behaviors, traits, emotional patterns, and abilities that make up a person’s response to the events of their life.

“Personality is a blend of behavioral and thought patterns that are relatively stable over time, characterizing an individual’s traits and attitudes,” says Ludovica Colella, a CBT therapist and author of “The Feel Good Journal.”

Understanding how personality develops can provide insight into who someone is and their background while also increasing our understanding of what’s behind our personality traits and characteristics.

What Is Personality Development?

Personality development refers to the process by which the organized thought and behavior patterns that make up a person’s unique personality emerge over time. Many factors influence personality, including genetics and environment, how we were parented, and societal variables.

While personality is relatively stable, Colella notes that it isn’t entirely fixed. “People can undergo changes in their attitudes, behaviors, and thought patterns in response to new experiences or personal growth,” she explains.

Perhaps most importantly, the ongoing interaction of all these influences continues to shape personality. Personality involves both inborn traits and the development of cognitive and behavioral patterns that influence how we think and act.

5 Basic Personality Traits

The goal of personality development theories is to explain how we each develop our own unique characteristics and traits. While the list of options could be almost endless, most of these personality traits fall into five basic categories:

  • Openness: Level of creativeness and responsiveness to change
  • Conscientiousness: Level of organization and attention to detail
  • Extraversion: Level of socialness and emotional expressiveness
  • Agreeableness: Level of interest in others and cooperativeness
  • Neuroticism: Level of emotional stability and moodiness

The “Big 5” is one of the most recognized models of personality and also the most widely used, though some suggest that it isn’t comprehensive enough to cover the huge variety of personality traits that one can grow and develop.

Personality Development Tips

Theorists such as Freud believed that personality was largely set in stone fairly early in life. However, we now recognize that personality can change over time.

1. Identify Your Current Traits

Colella notes that self-awareness and reflection are an essential part of personal growth. She suggests that you can start by learning more about your traits, strengths, and weaknesses.

You won’t know where to place your efforts if you don’t identify the personality traits you need to work on. A personality test can provide an assessment of your current traits. Pick one or two traits to work on that you feel would help you grow as a person and focus on them.

2. Identify Your Values

Colella also suggests that it is important to identify your core values. You can do this by thinking about the values that are the most important to you. After you do this, you can prioritize your goals and better reflect on how your behaviors and actions align with your goals and values.

3. Set a Daily Personal Development Goal

Commit to doing at least one thing every day to help develop your personality. This doesn’t have to be a big action either. Even baby steps will move you in the right direction.

4. Keep a Positive Mindset

It is also important to work on forging a growth mindset, Colella explains. This allows you to recognize that personality is not set it stone and can instead evolve over time. “Embrace challenges, learn from failures, and see setbacks as opportunities for growth,” Colella says.

Changing yourself can be difficult, especially if you’re working on a part of your personality you’ve had for a long time. Staying positive along the way helps you pay more attention to the pros versus the cons. It also makes the journey more enjoyable for you and everyone around you.

5. Be Confident

When you have something about yourself that you’d like to change, it can be easy to let your perceived imperfection reduce your confidence. Yet, you can be confident and continue to develop your personality in meaningful ways at the same time, giving you the best of both worlds while pursuing personality development. Stepping outside your comfort zone can be challenging, Colella notes, but slowly expanding your horizons can lead to gradual growth. “Expanding your comfort zone involves taking small, manageable steps, gradually pushing your limits at a pace that feels comfortable for you,” she explains.

Information Sheet 3.3: Self-help concepts (e. g., 7 Habits by Stephen Covey, transactional analysis, psycho-spiritual concepts)

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Based on Dr. Stephen Covey’s inspirational book – 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People®

Dr. Stephen Covey (1932-2012) was and remains a hugely influential management guru. Covey’s most famous book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, became a blueprint for personal development when it was published in 1990. 

The principles may be used for life in general – they are not limited to workplaces, management, leadership, etc. Covey’s concepts can actually help people to grow, change and become more effective in really any other aspect of human responsibility that you might imagine.

Covey produced a substantial body of educational and teaching work. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People was his first significantly popular creation and probably remains his greatest. Below is a quick summary of his main ideas.

Habit 1: Be Proactive®

This is the ability to control one’s environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. 

  • Self-determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances.
  • This means taking responsibility for your own life and not blaming external circumstances or other people for your problems. Instead, you should focus on finding solutions and taking action to achieve your goals.
  • By taking ownership of your business and proactively seeking out solutions to challenges and opportunities, you can increase your chances of achieving your goals.

Try using these words: I choose, I prefer, I will.

  • Be a solution to problems, not the problems themselves
  • Do more than what is expected – anticipate needs and underlying concern
  • When presenting information – give an analysis and recommendations based on the analysis

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind®

Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership – leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. 

  • By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.
  • This means setting clear goals and developing a plan to achieve them.
  • When humans create, we do so 3 times:
    • First, we create in our imagination
    • Next, we create a representation, like a blueprint or map (AKA, the plan)
    • Finally, we manifest and make it happen for real
  • By setting clear and specific business goals and developing a plan to achieve them, you can create a sense of purpose and direction for your business.

Habit 3: Put First Things First®

Covey calls this the habit of personal management. 

  • This is about organizing and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. 
  • Covey says that habit 2 is the first or mental creation; habit 3 is the second or physical creation (see the section on time management).

When you put first things first, you prioritize your activities and focus on what is most important to you. By prioritizing your business activities and focusing on what is most important, you can be more productive and efficient in reaching your goals.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win®

Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are largely dependent on cooperative efforts with others. 

  • He says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a cooperative approach more naturally than the confrontation of win-or-lose.
  • Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions.  It’s not your way or my way, it’s a better way, a higher way.

Seek out mutually beneficial solutions in relationships and situations rather than trying to win at the expense of others.

By adopting a win-win mindset, you can create lasting, positive relationships with clients, partners, and employees who can help your business succeed.

Habit 5: Seek First To Understand and Then to Be Understood®

One of the great maxims of the modern age, this is Covey’s habit of communication, and it’s extremely powerful. 

  • Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy ‘diagnose before you prescribe’. 
  • Simple and effective and essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life (see the associated sections on Empathy, Transactional Analysis, and the Johari Window).

This means listening actively and empathetically to others, trying to understand their perspective and needs before expressing your own. By demonstrating understanding and empathy, you can build trust and establish better communication with others.

Empathic listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You rephrase the content and reflect the feelings.

Habit 6: Synergize®

  • Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation – the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and potential in the other person’s contribution.
  • To synergize is to work effectively with others to create something greater than the sum of its parts. By collaborating with others and valuing diversity, you can create innovative solutions and achieve results that could not be achieved alone.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw®

This is the habit of self-renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. 

Covey interprets the self into four parts which all need feeding and developing: 

  • The spiritual
  • The mental
  • The physical
  • The social/emotional 

This means taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being in order to maintain balance and effectiveness in your life. By regularly investing in your own development, you can sustain your energy and effectiveness over the long term.

Balanced self-renewal:

  • Spiritual (value clarification, commitment, study and meditations)
  • Mental (reading, visualizing, planning, writing)
  • Physical (exercise, nutrition, stress management)
  • Social/emotional (service, empathy, synergy, intrinsic security)

Summary and Conclusion

Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits are a simple set of rules for life – inter-related and synergistic, and yet each one powerful and worthy of adopting and following in its own right. For many people, reading Covey’s work, or listening to him speak literally changes their lives. Covey’s thinking is powerful stuff indeed and highly recommended.